I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My pussy is not your playground.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Everyone says I win the strip club
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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