last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
