whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
