We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
