I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
