i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
