Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
