I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
