I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
