You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
