i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
two words: eviction party
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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