when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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