Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
