I got chris browned last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
