I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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