i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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