I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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