i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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