i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
