Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Alive.
So much puke
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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