just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
