is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
