Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
