you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
