I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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