Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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