I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
