So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
