We're facebook friends in real life
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
