Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize