Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
