when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
