Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
