I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
