I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
