so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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