And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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