My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
