I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
