god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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