I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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