And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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