Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
