Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
