I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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