i can't believe i had my finger in that
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
