Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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