just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
