I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
