Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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