i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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