It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
