Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
