Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
