i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
