in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
