Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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