Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
