were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
