My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
