You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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