If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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