I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
