forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
