So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
