Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
